Hey everyone!
Sorry for the absence – I was way busier then I thought I’d be while working the show but on the upside I did stick to my writing goal anf made some major progress on a few pieces.
During my absence much has gone up and down in my life. I’ve actually been so turbulent that I feel like I just am weighed down and need a good rest to ease it all off, but that won’t happen because the earth keeps turning and life keeps going and we just don’t get breaks like that…
I’ll touch on a few of these turbulences now:
- I have a friend who graduated last year. He’s a really good guy but he tends to like to drink — a lot. He visited this past weekend and at first it was great — it was surreal to see him after months and months of communicating only via facebook and I was so glad. We were all having a really good time but soon we were all just hanging out and he was shitfaced…I’d never experienced him in that way before and it made me very uncomfortable and made me question alot of ideas I had about him. I had held him on a very very high pedestal and in that moment my image of him came crashing down to the dirt. After much thought I’ve sort of found a middle ground where I hold him as normal but acknowledge his faults (like consistently disappointing me) while still maintaining that he has been a great friend to me in the past. I just wonder when that shift occurred or if it had always been that way and I just didn’t see it — how didn’t I see it?
- The next saga in my life right now is that I am surrounded by Greeks — meaning frat/sorority people, not the culture. It is a problem. I personally don’t agree with the whole system of it very much but I have a billion friends who are in them or going through to be in one and yes I am happy for them and if it worked for them – great! I’m glad — it’s just not for me but this fact is leading to more turmoil in my psyche then you could ever possibly know. It’s just very frustrating — I feel like I’m the only non-Greek in an ocean full of Greeks, just struggling to stay afloat.
- My room-mate is one of the above mentioned Greek to bes and due to this she must live on their floor next year – yay for her — I could even go with her if I wanted. But I really don’t want to and that leaves me room mateless..All my friends have room mates they like and the ones who might not would not want to live where I want to next year. You see I really want to live on this one floor where a bunch of people from my theatre grade are going to be — because I feel really disconnected and would love to be able to hang out with them more and get to know them all better but I can’t do that if I’m living in East bum-fuck. So I really want to live on their floor — except now that I don’t have a room-mate I need to find someone who also wants to live there — hard. Not to mention the fact that even if it all does go well, I need to battle through the housing process to get there and I’m really scared I’m not going to make it on….then I’ll be stuck living in Sorority land – God fucking help me.
- Last of the top things on a long list: I’m working another show. rumor has it, it sucks….I’m upset.
So as you can see I’m a bit bitter and stressed right now………..breaks not even going to help because all my friends are home the next week after me, so I’m going to be home, alone. with all these thoughts — yay life.
